Everybody wants to find their soul mate, if they haven’t already. We have a long list of exactly what we want and need and it looks great on paper. They’re a certain age, height, build, and have a particular hair and eye colour, interests, values, ambitions, etc.
They could be smart, funny, kind to animals, love children, love long walks on the beach. They could have steady jobs and make good money. They love their family and share your values. Your family and friends just adore them and you cannot wait to make beautiful babies with them.
Perfection, right? Well, how do you go about attracting this “ideal-to-you” and unique specimen?
Isn’t he/she essentially the same person everybody on the planet wants? If we all got our idea of the perfect mate, life would be easier. The reality is that every one of us is different and wants/needs different things from a soulmate.
This moves us into the what, or rather, who are you attracting? Every relationship is a mirror; you attract what you send out. If you’re not attracting your idea of the perfect mate, it’s not about this elusive, unreachable person. It starts introspectively.
You can’t be a slob and expect a spic and span house. You can’t be lazy and expect a perfect physique. You can’t be 40 and expect to appear 20. You can train yourself not to be a lazy or a slob, and you can try to appear 20, emphasis on try.
You have to know and love yourself. You can change bad habits and you can change physical ‘flaws’. First, though, ask yourself; are they actually flaws?
Who told you they were flaws? And do you truly believe them?
These often incorrect identifications of 'flaws' are learned through an often unrealistic portrayal by the media. It’s definitely not instinctive and this way of thinking can be changed too.
The best way to turn your 'flaws' into blessings is to stop looking at them like flaws. If your ideal mate is going to be turned off by what you perceive as a physical flaw, you need to add a line or three to your description of soul mate to include “someone who loves me for who I am.” More importantly, you need to realize that if this is something you have an issue with, then you are being superficial and as such, you’re sending out that energy. Superficial will never attract authentic. It’s against the laws of the universe.
Each one of us has a version of what a soulmate should be that will differ from everyone else’s.
And each one of us is wired differently, which is wonderful. The world would be quite boring if all seven billion of us were identical in every way.
Celebrate every part of you every day and if you happen to be on the search for a soul mate, it’s that uniqueness that will help you find what you're looking for.
Save the cookie cutting for baking, not dating.
You know that saying, "be the change you want to see in the world"?
Apply that concept to your quest for your soul mate and chances are, you’ll be pleasantly surprised with the results.
Laura Bilotta is a date coach, GTA and Toronto matchmaker and the founder of successful dating website Singleinthecity.ca. Laura established Single in the City in 2002. Since its early beginnings, Laura’s efforts and expertise have allowed Single in the City to become one of the largest event based dating companies in the Greater Toronto Area. Laura’s expert knowledge of dating etiquette, relationships, and human behaviour form the basis of her experience. She has hosted over one-thousand speed dating/mixer events, coached more than one-hundred men and women into dating gurus, and she has proudly played matchmaker for countless love-seeking singles. Laura hosts her own Dating Talk show called Single in the City on Rogers Peel.