Love it or hate it, pumpkin spice is a thing that exists for two weeks until nobody cares about it anymore. So how do you get your fix? Let's count the ways.
1. Pumpkin Spice Latte
The classic. The drink that started it all. The steamy libation that put pumpkins and spices on the map. One part latte, one part spice (I like oregano), one part pumpkin. Enjoy with a thick scarf, a degree in graphic design, and an insatiable urge to gentrify underprivileged neighbourhoods.
2. Pumpkin Spice Frosted Mini Wheats
Wheat, AKA "God's great mistake"—one of the foremost threats to a civilized, gluten-free society. Even in adorable miniature form it signifies destruction and despair. Maybe some pumpkin spice frosting will help? Probably not, but what you stuff in your mouth is your own gruesome business.
3. Pumpkin Spice Pumpkins
"The Original." A delicate blend of pumpkin rind, flesh and seeds. Did you know you can even pick your own? Prime picking season is late October. Look for pumpkins that are firm, deep orange in colour, and easily accessible on your neighbour's front porch.
4. Pumpkin Spicy Sichuan Chicken
Hailing from the gastronomic utopia of Chengdu, China, this famous dish can be enjoyed by the richest of kings or the smelliest of unwashed peasants. And preparation couldn't be easier. Step 1: Buy spicy Sichuan chicken. Step 2: Serve inside a pumpkin. Bon appétit!
5. Pumpkin Spice Emotions
Close your eyes. What do you see? Darkness...emptiness...tiny specks of light. What could they be? They are your emotions. Embrace them. Become them. Let them take you to beautiful Belfountain, Ontario, less than an hour's drive from Mississauga. There, alone with your feelings and the world, you can mourn the inexorable passing of the seasons.
6. Pumpkin Spice Tears
Gather leaves of yellow, brown and rusty red. Ruminate on their beautiful decay, on the inevitable end of all life. Soon it will be winter. Let the tears stream down your face and into your mouth. Let them pool upon your tongue. Taste cinnamon, clove and oregano; feel the bitter bite of a pumpkin who never knew what love could mean.
7. Pumpkin Spice Girls
The hottest pumpkin spice-themed act of the 1990s, this sassy quintet showed girls around the world what it meant to be a large orange squash. This autumn, rediscover some of their greatest hits, from "2 Become 1 (Pumpkin) " to "Who Do You Think You Are (A Pumpkin?)".
8. Pumpkin Spice Lists
This is the time of year when every man, woman and chimpanzee with a blog publishes their own pumpkin spice list. Here's our authoritative list of the Top 5 Pumpkin Spice Lists of 2016.
1. Top 5 Pumpkin Spices
2. Grandma's Favourite Pumpkin Spice Recipes (Vol. 1)
3. 9 of the Spiciest Pumpkins
4. 6 Signs Pumpkin Spies Are Lurking in Your Patch Right Now
5. 7 Delicious Pumpkin Spice Products Craig Can't Stand Because He's a Heartless Monster Who Breaks Hearts Only Because He Has No Heart of His Own (lol jk Craig)